Cricket

The UK gave up on cricket a long time ago, but sadly this so called sport still persists in the Empire’s former colonies. Its a terribly elitist and clubby sport. For the British army officers posted to the middle of just about every forever back during the days of the Empire, cricket served a vital purpose. They could form their little cliques and clubs and spend whole -days- weeks just passing the time away. It can be argued that there is nothing like a mind numbingly boring and totally pointless activity to while away the times, and cricket fitted the bill so well that someone would have had to invent it during the days of the Empire if it hadn’t already existed.


Every now and then one of them would trundle up to the pitch to chuck a ball, and a guy from the other team would try to hit it. This was all secondary; they could have been throwing bats and trying to hit them with a ball, it would have made no difference. The main idea was not going bonkers and having something to talk about, and cricket did that brilliantly. When the natives came to stare and whispered amongst themselves about the mad englishmen, the englishmen could scoff at them for not understanding the game of cricket.

Cricket involved a set of rules and morals which were to be followed at all costs – else one could be cast out from the clique. ( _ed: sounds similar to those teenage gangs one hears about these days_ ). There were quite a lot of them, along with a ton of silly names for just about everything else. Half the fielding positions start of with ‘Silly’ something or the other – evidently even back then someone realized how absurd the whole thing was.

In today’s day and age, where no one has the time to read a book or do even a quarter of the things they have to do any particular week, cricket is a throwback to an age and time long dead and buried.

Some of the Major Problems with Cricket:

* There are twenty two men playing. At any given point only two of them are actually engaged in the proceedings. The rest are just standing around. That hardly qualifies it as a sport.

* It’s excruciatingly slow and takes way too much time.

* There’s not much physical exercise in cricket. See the first point. Despite cricket being Pakistan’s most popular sport (its a lazy sport for a lazier nation) the Pakistan Armed forces have banned cricket. Standing around on a field all day doesn’t make one fit. The dictionary definition of ‘sport’ includes the words ‘physical exertion’ for a reason. People who play actual sports gain from it. You can tell a soccer player – he’s bound to be fit. Cricket players no matter how much they play never get fit. Just look at the Pakistan team. The only reason the Australian team is fit because they play other sports to get fit.

* It’s not a spectator sport. Watching a normal game of cricket is as exciting as watching paint dry. The “Pakistan India Cricket Series”:http://ko.offroadpakistan.com/pakistan/2004_03/india_pakistan_cricket_series.html was exciting, but that excitement had nothing to do with cricket.

* It is the same damn thing over and over again. That’s true of many sports, but with cricket even more so. The slowness of the proceedings makes it that much more agonizing.

* Cricket is not democratic. The better players enjoy themselves a lot more – as they bat longer without getting out, and also bowl more overs. The other players are shit out of luck. Other sports like basketball and soccer are a lot more democratic – even the worst player on the team is involved in the game. In street cricket at least half the team is just the support cast, and basically does nothing at all the entire match.

* The rules are mind numbingly complex. Even professional cricket players after a lifetime of playing don’t fully understand them. See the Pakistan cricket team once again for many shining examples of this.

* There’s a whole bunch of other reasons which I’ll post later.

_not even cricket fans can justify cricket. Ask one about the virtues of cricket and they’ll be clean bowled._

16 thoughts on “Cricket”

  1. dude, you’re crazy. you’re Pakistani and u hate how cricket. that’s like a paradox. i never thought i’d be alive to read these words.

  2. well…

    1. I don’t think the UK ever gave up on cricket. If they had done so, they would not currently have a cricket team for nearly every county and hire people from all over the world to play in those matches.

    2. So I’m presuming u’re not a golf fan either?

  3. Considering how the UK cricket team does against just about every worthwhile opponent, they have just as as good as given up cricket.

    Nope, I’m not a golf fan either. Thankfully its not yet very big in Pakistan.

  4. :). Honestly speaking, not that big a cricket fan. Same with anything which doesnt involve continous involvement. Basketball is more my thing. Your description sort of reminds me of the game of Kish. Don’t know if you’ve heard of it. Played a lot by females back home. Involves two people standing and supporting the elastic while the rest turn by turn display acrobatic jumping feats. :D. Most entertaining weirdly enough, despite the whole sacrificial angle, occasionally.

  5. finally! Thank God there is someone who shares the same views as me. i dont love cricket either. however there may be times when i have to defend the time when i am with my Indian friends. i cant be a benedict arnold and betray them. anyway cricket has never been a passion of mine. people would be suprised when they heard that i had no passion for it. they would look at me as if i were some sorta weirdo. now its not important for everyone to love cricket. it never has and it never will. cricket has never been an exciting sport for me. tennis and football are the only sports i love. if u want to talk about extreme sports then i love skateboarding and snowboarding. however i love playing these sports on my Xbox. i have just had limited exposure to tennis in the real world. So KO its ok if u dont like it. there is no taboo linked to declaring that cricket is not ur fav past time. u are rite when u say its a silly game. hmm maybe u havent exactly quoted that but in a way its kinda silly.

  6. other than the 22 players and just 2 actually playing, all your points are invalid. by default. wait, even that one is invalid because the guy not on strike plays an important role in running between the wickets as well as the wicket keeper. that makes it 4 🙂

    the game involves a lot of running and exertion, be it running between the wickets or bowling. the wicket keeper in this case is shit out of luck though.

    maybe next i should go into details of how each fielding position is crucial and requires more than just standing around 😉

  7. Invalid points eh? So those 9 men sitting in the locker room throughout the game are really involved? And those fielders taking 3 steps forward every ball doesn’t exactly involve a whole lot of excercise. If you think cricket involves a lot of exertion, you obviously haven’t ever played any sport like soccer or basketaball. The BBC once calculated that a soccer player expends many thousand times the energy in a 2 hour game than a cricketer does in a whole day of cricket! _I don’t remember the exact number, but it’s many thousands_.

    Sure fielding postions are crucial to the game, but that doesn’t mean the fielders don’t stand around 95 percent of the time.

  8. cricket is a game of lazy people. let me put it in this way that its enjoyed by people who are lazy. thats 100% correct. people who watch it on the fields or on TV are even more lazier. waisting a whole day! – what sort of exitement is this. no game involves players wearing woolen sweater standing like a stupid waiting for the ball to come his way. earlier almost all cricketiers were having pot bellies. they were like any other Indian Babu. Now a days they have lot of money (thanks to the tv channels) and afford to pass a lot of time in the gym. they play other games to make themselves fit. its not cricket that keep them fit. i dont call it a sport. the involvement of physical exercise is minimum in cricket. its just a time pass. the best thing for a lazy sunday afternoon.

  9. It is funny that you mentioned that Pakistan armed forces banned cricket.

    Wake up. No one cares what they do or don’t do.

    Cricket is a good game for poor Pakistanies because they can forget about their worries for few days while the game goes on. I am a former Pakistani currently living in US. I watch cricket games just to remember long gone days of my youth.

    I bet you are a big fan of golf, squash or tennis (games of rich).

  10. _I bet you are a big fan of golf, squash or tennis (games of rich)._

    Nope – basketball. It’s a much cheaper sport than cricket. Can be played just about anywhere, all it needs is one (or if possible two) hoops and a ball. Cricket requires a lot of space, a couple of bats, a cricket ball, stumps, gloves, pads, cock guards, helmets – all these things add up. There’s always a never ending need to buy more bats, balls and what not in cricket, while in basketball the same one ball lasts for a couple of years. Cricket is a very elitist sport – in most street cricket matches the better players have all the fun while their supporting cast is whiling the time away. In games like soccer/basketball everyone is involved.

  11. I agree with you. Cricket is a mind numbing time wasting tragedy. It is unfortunate that our South Asian nations have taken to it. With already limited time at the hands of the (school, tution, soap opera watching) kids 45 minutes of soccer, basketball or kabaddi could prevent them from becoming fat b**ds that cricket makes..

    The funny thing is it is not even a game for hot countries though some try to make it so..

    My fat friend never seizes to amaze me…he thinks cricket gives as much or more exercise than footy….YEAH RIGHT..!!

  12. Cricket was a game of noble people.in older days,cricket was played in white track suit,brown balletc. it is a good game but nowadays style of cricket improved.each and every country has its own colour. so, its a one of GREAT games of the world. CRICKET IS NOWADAYS ON TOP OF ANOTHER GAMES IN THE WHOLE WORLD.So it is a good exercise. I t is not a wastage of time., SO,

    PLAY AND ENJOY THIS GREAT GAME.

    THANKS

  13. Anyone who even considers hating cricket is a seriously mentally distressed person. And you’re talking about it, you should be hiding away, hoping you don’t meet me and get yelled at for your horrible, horrbile taste.

  14. PAKISTAN INDIA

    THIS ONE OF THE FAOVRITE SEREIS OF MY FAMILY THAY ALL ARE ENJOYNIG IT TOO MUCH. AS YOU CAN ASIAN ARE THE BEST SO THAY COULD MAKE THERE FREIND SHIP THROUGH CRICKET AS PAKISTAN AND INDIA DID SO.

    THAY IMPROVE THEIR RELATION BY CRICKET SO YOU CAN SAY THIS THE SERIES OF TWO NATION NOT TWO TEAMS .

  15. Agree with the submitter of the topic. Cricket is an ultimate crap. It is being played for more than 100 years and c the interest it has created around the world. The same countries play the game again and again. On contrary check out how many new nations started playing soocer or anyother sport(read: active participation physically unlike cricket). And the most pathetic is the behavior of the crowd of both the nations who just go gaga over this unrealistic, sober-like sport….

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