Pakistan, Egalitarian

Pakistan is turning out to be a very “egalitarian”: society. Some of the new crop of politicians come from very humble beginnings, indeed. Sure, not all of them started out humble, but all of them have improved in leaps and bounds from their starting point. Not too many countries can boast of that, so here is a listing of our extremely egalitarian politicians:

**Asif Ali Zardari**, went from selling cinema tickets in black and second hand cars to political husband, First Mate to “Benazir”:, than billionaire extraordinaire. Considering he never worked much, being busy with polo, cars, vacations, exile and jail, it’s amazing how fast he went from zero to hero. Back in his heyday as a young man about town, he had his finger in every pie – today, he *is the pie*.

**Nawaz Sharrif**’s family owned a smallish middling sized industrial concern, not doing too well – but after the military blessed the family their fortunes started rising on rockets. Today, his star is high up in the sky, hanging with the likes of Zardari and Saudi Kings. From not much money and land at all, Nawaz turned himself into a veritable landlord by acquiring land and contracts everywhere.

**Army Generals**, lord bless their souls, generally come from a humble background, and when thrust into the maelstrom that is Pakistani politics, often loose their minds and souls, while gaining a large number of plots in the process. They, poor chaps, get no votes at all, so they end up manufacturing referendums, buying political parties, and rigging elections. Musharraf went all the way from being a nobody bullied at school to hobnobbing with the world elite at Davos, proving once again how egalitarian Pakistan is.

“*Altaf Husain*”: went all the way from a student taxi driver to leader of the MQM. There aren’t many countries which can point to a taxi driver as future leader of the nation, so this is something Altaf is rightly proud of. On the other hand, taxi drivers in other countries aren’t supplied guns and ammo by the Army to kill of all the opposition… Besides making it all the way from Taxi driver to a major political leader, he is also insane, which really shows how egalitarian Pakistan is, where even insane former taxi drivers have a shot at the big job. Now, many countries, like the US, routinely elect insane people, but even they aren’t egalitarian enough to elect insane (former) taxi drivers!

*Assorted Land Owners* (Politicians): In just a generation, they metamorphisized into urban dwellers, swapping horses for Mitsubishi Pajeros, reaching a pinnacle at the Toyota Land Cruiser, than onto Mercedes cars as they left the dust of their lands behind for good, and now eying Porches and other exotic cars. Despite figuring out how to drive a stick shift (badly), going to college and even learning how to operate a TV remote, they remain the most illiterate, backwards people in Pakistan, so once again it goes to show how egalitarian the country is by consistently voting them into power.

**Chamchas and hanger-on’s** to the above – this is the largest category of them all, as Pakistan has only so much money to steal and land to parcel out.

**Technocrats:** Every now and than the above import some fresh blood into Pakistani politics to revive the perpetually rotting body politic. This is a subgroup of the chamcha’s and hanger-on’s, and even the technocrat sub group has a very short half life, quickly dissolving fully into the chamcha and hanger on category.

Another interesting aspect of Pakistani politics is how everyone, regardless of their background, education or personality, joins the mainstream political categories defined above, once again showing how deeply egalitarian Pakistan is.

The above categories cover 48 percent of Pakistani politicians. The remaining 2% include:

**Imran Khan**, who went all the way from being the most famous person in Pakistan to talk show host. In the US, any actor or famous person can cash in on his/her fame to get elected, while here in Pakistan our deeply egalitarian population looks beyond the fame, and refuses to elect him.

**Sheikh Rashid,** he who stands in a cuban cigar smoking category of his own. The most entertaining politician on TV, he openly sold himself to the biggest stick/bank accounts. Once again, he too was kicked out on his behind, unlike politicians in the west who openly sell themselves yet keep getting re-elected.

The math above doesn’t quite add up to a 100%, but than, neither does Pakistani politics.

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